Coates & Frey, Attorneys at Law, LLLC
Phone: (808) 524-4854

Surviving Thanksgiving after your separation or divorce

The first set of holidays after your separation or divorce can feel like a real ordeal. After all, you're barely used to being on your own again and now you have to somehow navigate the intricacies of a family gathering when your own nuclear family has just dissolved.

You can do it. Here are some tips that will make it easier:

Go ahead and feel what you feel

Forced happiness doesn't fool anybody. It certainly won't make you or the kids feel better to pretend to be okay if you're really upset. You may feel anger, a profound sense of loss or just unsure how to behave without your spouse around. After all, you and your spouse helped define each other for years.

Acknowledge your feelings before the holiday actually gets here. Take the time to also talk to the kids and let them express their own negative feelings without trying to "fix" anything. It's okay to be a little sad or stressed over the changes.

Don't try to live in the past

On one hand, you don't want to throw all of the Thanksgiving traditions out the window just to avoid any similarities to holiday dinners-gone-by. On the other hand, it's wise to focus on new traditions so that you and your children create new memories together.

This is an excellent time to spend some time connecting with your kids and your extended family. Pull out a board game, fire up the video game system and have fun together.

End the holiday on a grateful note

Thanksgiving is all about gratitude -- and that makes it extra important to focus on the positive toward the end of the holiday. Take the time to identify the things that are making your life better right now. The more you internalize the positive things in your life, the better.

Life may not be perfect, but you're definitely on a road to a better future. Nobody needs to stay in an unhappy marriage when divorce is an option.

No Comments

Leave a comment
Comment Information

Coates & Frey | Pioneer Plaza, Suite 1400, 900 Fort Street Mall | Honolulu, HI 96813
Phone: (808) 524-4854 | Fax: (808) 524-0717 | Map & Directions

Review Us