Coates & Frey, Attorneys at Law, LLLC
Phone: (808) 524-4854

How do you know if it's time to get divorced?

Is it time to end your marriage, or is there still hope that your marriage can recover from whatever is wrong with it?

Not all marital woes are equivalent. Some can be healed just through better communication, while others may take a lot of work. Some, unfortunately, probably can't be healed at all. Here are some of the signs that therapists say indicate that it's time for a couple to divorce:

1. One spouse is abusive.

If your spouse is physically, emotionally or sexually abusive, you need to end the marriage. Abusive people need a lot of help to break their patterns of behavior -- and an extraordinary amount of motivation to do so. Your spouse has too much work to do on their own to be in a relationship with someone else.

2. One spouse has an untreated addiction.

It doesn't matter if the addiction is alcohol, prescription drugs, illicit drugs, gambling or something else. An untreated addiction can be an all-consuming issue. If your spouse won't commit to getting help for his or her addiction, there's probably no room left for you in the marriage.

3. There's somebody else.

If either you or your spouse has developed a romantic relationship and a strong emotional connection with someone else, the marriage is probably over. It's very difficult to overcome the loss of trust that comes along with a physical affair. An emotional affair, however, means that someone else has intruded on the marriage in the most important way.

4. One partner no longer cares to work things out.

If your spouse isn't communicating and doesn't seem willing to put any effort into reviving your marriage, you probably need to accept that the union can't survive. It takes two committed people to make it work. A lack of physical intimacy, a loss of trust and a noticeable air of contempt from one spouse to the other are all hallmarks of a dying marriage.

Ending a marriage is a big decision. Learning more about the process may help make your decision clearer.

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