Coates & Frey, Attorneys at Law, LLLC
Phone: (808) 524-4854

Dating before the divorce is final

By the time you sought a divorce, was your marriage already long over?

If so, you may well be ready to move on. It can be difficult to put your romantic life on hold, especially when you're enjoying the new-found sense of freedom that comes with ending a bad relationship.

If you want to get through your divorce with a minimum amount of trouble, however, it may be wisest to keep waiting just a little bit longer. Here's why:

You may ruin your chances for an amicable divorce.

It doesn't matter that you and your spouse have been sleeping in separate rooms for more than a year before you filed for divorce. It doesn't matter that your spouse claims to be thrilled to be rid of you and left. Actually seeing you move on with someone else can provoke a storm of resentment and anger from your spouse that will make negotiating your divorce a nightmare.

You could endanger any financial settlement.

How generous is your spouse likely to be with financial support if he or she thinks that you may have someone else to help pay the bills?

Your spouse may show bitter opposition to any financial settlement that he or she thinks might enrich your new love.

Your parenting skills may be called into question.

Your spouse may seize on the fact that you're dating to show that you're irresponsible as a parent. The idea usually presented is that a parent who starts dating before the divorce is final is more focused on their own needs than the needs of their children during this time of transition.

Plus there's almost no way to handle the issue of introducing your romantic partners to the kids without being criticized. If you keep your dates well away from your children, you may be accused of hiding things from them and setting them up for a rough emotional adjustment if the relationship turns serious. If you introduce your dates, you'll probably be accused of parading a string of people through your children's lives without regard to the emotional impact that may have.

No matter how you look at it, dating before your divorce is final can be a huge risk. If you have someone waiting, ask them to wait just a little longer while you get things settled. A Honolulu attorney can offer more divorce advice specific to your situation.

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