Coates & Frey, Attorneys at Law, LLLC
Phone: (808) 524-4854

Honolulu Family Law Blog

Is your marriage toxic? It may be time to get out

What makes a marriage toxic?

Marriages that involve manipulation, controlling behavior and emotional abuse on the part of one spouse can leave the other spouse feeling drained and trapped. Physical abuse may also be part of a toxic marriage -- but it isn't always. In fact, some toxic marriages can seem "perfect" from the outside -- because that's how well the toxic spouse can keep control over the whole situation.

A pet dog takes an important role in domestic case

Mike Fleiss, the creator of hit reality shows like "The Bachelor," has been living a made-for-television drama of his own lately. The Hawaiian resident has been ordered to keep his distance from his estranged wife and their pet dog.

According to the temporary restraining order (TRO), the television producer is now required to keep at least 100 yards away from his wife. He's also, per her request, prohibited from getting anywhere near the family dog. In specific, the order states that Fleiss cannot "take, sell, transfer, encumber, conceal, molest, attack, strike, threaten, harm, or otherwise dispose of" the wife's Doberman Pinscher, Nina.

What an uncontested divorce really means for you

Most people picture divorce as an adversarial process. They envision battling out every detail of their split with their spouse in court, in front of a judge.

That's actually the last thing that most couples want to happen -- and it's often highly unnecessary. Most of the time, it's far simpler, more economical and smarter to aim for an uncontested divorce instead.

How does Hawaii compare to other states regarding child support?

Every divorced parent has a picture of how they think child support and custody of the children will work -- but that picture can be heavily distorted not only by the stories of others but the geographical area in which you happen to live.

New research indicates that child support payments vary dramatically from one state to the next. Here are some of the basic facts about both issues based on a study from Custody X Change:

How does money lead to marital issues?

Money woes are often cited as the reason that many couples end up splitting apart. However, it isn't necessarily a lack of money that drives people to divorce. In fact, the real root of money problems in marriages can be surprisingly complex.

Here are some of the ways that money can negatively affect your marriage:

Florida woman's arrest stirs national debate over domestic abuse

The arrest of a Florida woman in a domestic abuse case has stirred a national debate about problems in the judicial system because the woman who was arrested was the victim of violence, not the perpetrator. What happened?

The 32-year-old woman got into an argument with her estranged 35-year-old husband. When she tried to leave his apartment, her husband followed her and ultimately drove his vehicle into hers -- forcing her off the road in a harrowing incident of rage and abuse.

Mediation isn't the right path for every divorce

Mediation is a useful alternative to a litigated divorce, especially for parents who are trying to preserve a working relationship for their children's sake or couples who hope to preserve a friendship after their divorce.

But it isn't right for everybody. There are times when mediation is likely to be an exercise in frustration -- or even utterly counterproductive to your needs.

Hawaii is failing to keep children in crisis with family members

When parents are deceased, incarcerated, alcoholic, mentally ill or addicted to drugs, the state often has to step in and find someplace for the children of those parents to live.

Ideally, when children are removed from a home in a crisis, they're supposed to be placed with relatives whenever possible, rather than placed with strangers in the foster care system. The logic is sound. After all, who is more likely to love and nurture a child than his or her own relatives, right?

Why are you putting off your divorce?

If you're unhappily married, you probably have been thinking about divorce for quite a while. You may even have started to imagine what life would be like if your spouse was no longer around.

So, why haven't you taken the next step? Why haven't you talked to your spouse about a divorce or contacted an attorney? If you're like most people, you're delaying the inevitable because of one of the following reasons:

Why is it so hard to keep your friends after a divorce?

It's a common problem: You get divorced and suddenly your social circle -- the people you were counting on to get you through the worst days of the whole process -- shrinks dramatically. Why do so many people find that their friends are suddenly nowhere to be found once they get a divorce?Psychologists say that there are actually several reasons it happens, so you should prepare yourself for this possibility once you make the announcement:

1. People don't know how to react.

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