Coates & Frey, Attorneys at Law, LLLC
Phone: (808) 524-4854

Honolulu Family Law Blog

Mediation isn't the right path for every divorce

Mediation is a useful alternative to a litigated divorce, especially for parents who are trying to preserve a working relationship for their children's sake or couples who hope to preserve a friendship after their divorce.

But it isn't right for everybody. There are times when mediation is likely to be an exercise in frustration -- or even utterly counterproductive to your needs.

Hawaii is failing to keep children in crisis with family members

When parents are deceased, incarcerated, alcoholic, mentally ill or addicted to drugs, the state often has to step in and find someplace for the children of those parents to live.

Ideally, when children are removed from a home in a crisis, they're supposed to be placed with relatives whenever possible, rather than placed with strangers in the foster care system. The logic is sound. After all, who is more likely to love and nurture a child than his or her own relatives, right?

Why are you putting off your divorce?

If you're unhappily married, you probably have been thinking about divorce for quite a while. You may even have started to imagine what life would be like if your spouse was no longer around.

So, why haven't you taken the next step? Why haven't you talked to your spouse about a divorce or contacted an attorney? If you're like most people, you're delaying the inevitable because of one of the following reasons:

Why is it so hard to keep your friends after a divorce?

It's a common problem: You get divorced and suddenly your social circle -- the people you were counting on to get you through the worst days of the whole process -- shrinks dramatically. Why do so many people find that their friends are suddenly nowhere to be found once they get a divorce?Psychologists say that there are actually several reasons it happens, so you should prepare yourself for this possibility once you make the announcement:

1. People don't know how to react.

Modern technology comes to the rescue for co-parenting woes

Co-parenting is stressful. When parents divorce, one of the things that they quickly find out is that the divorce doesn't solve all their problems with their ex-spouse. When they have children, divorced parents are stuck negotiating with each other as they co-parent.

It's not always easy. Usually, the things that drove a couple apart in the first place start to create problems between them as they try to co-parent after the divorce. Fortunately, modern technology is coming to the rescue.

Honolulu police struggle to protect victims of domestic violence

There's a real struggle going on to provide protection for the victims of domestic abuse in Honolulu -- especially if the abuser is a member of the police force itself.

In a notable case that keeps making headlines, one officer has been involved in at least three separate incidents of domestic violence. In one case, he was even caught on film assaulting a woman. In another, the officers who responded to the domestic incident at his home are accused of helping to cover the incident up by allegedly convincing the victim to say there had been no assault. Despite being removed once from the force, the officer was able to regain his position through a union appeal -- and has been involved in another reported incident.

Do you really have to disclose all your finances in a divorce?

One of the biggest parts of any divorce process is the division of assets and debts. Unfortunately, many times one spouse (or both) may be somewhat unaware of the other spouse's financial dealings. That's why the court requires both parties to put all their "financial cards" on the proverbial table before the divorce can be settled.

This can be very disconcerting if you're used to keeping your financial information private even from your spouse -- but it's your legal obligation to make a full disclosure during the discovery process of a divorce.

Handling a child's graduation gracefully during divorce

Is your child about to graduate from high school or college? Whether your divorce is almost over or still in the beginning stages, events like a child's graduation can be stressful for both divorcing parents and their children -- especially if the ex-couple still has unresolved issues.

Here are some tips on how to handle a graduation event when you're in the midst of a divorce:

Don't ruin your child custody case with these social media acts

Your child custody case is important to you -- so make certain that you don't do anything that can affect the court's opinion of you in a negative way.

In today's world, that means watching what you do on social media. Just in case you think that it isn't a serious concern, consider these facts: 81% of attorneys find useful evidence from social media and Facebook evidence is seen in 66% of divorce cases.

Traveling with the kids after your divorce

When you were still married, traveling with the kids was no big deal. You and your spouse simply organized the trip, put the kids in the car and went where you pleased.

It's not quite that easy once you're divorced. Suddenly, every vacation you want to take with the kids has to be balanced against a number of issues -- some legal and some not.

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